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Grief can be so overwhelming that it overstimulates every sense at once. Sometimes the colors of the world are too brilliant, light is too bright, and the noise around us invades our thoughts in the most intrusive way imaginable. Then, at the same time, the world can be void of all color. We can feel like we’re living outside of our body and nothing we see, hear, or touch truly reaches us. We’re numb. Grief has a lot of colors.

This road is the road from my hometown to Center, Texas. I know every curve, deer crossing, hilltop like the back of my hand.

During the end of life journey of my mom, I traveled this road numerous times and here is what grief taught me on this road.

When a person’s earthly story ends, every place we go that has a memory tied to that person magically surfaces. So…

Celebrate What is Remembered

This is the road a deer hit my Civic and the deer’s head got stuck in the window because… Kayce rolled the window up as it ran into the car and we drug it along the highway. After she teleported to the driver’s side and knocked the car in neutral, I finally got her to roll the window back down to release the deer from the car. We had to convince my mom the deer hit us. She was furious and to her death…did NOT believe the deer really hit us first.

Preserve What is Remembered

All that is left when someone leaves this earth is an accumulation of things and memories. For me, it was important to sift through things and preserve what memories I have because my parents’ story is mine to pass to my children. I’d love to tell their story well. I wish I would have written more down or taken more pictures with my parents. That’s why I take so many pictures now;)

Make Space for New Realities

It’s very surreal when there are no living parents to ever ‘go home’ to. Before my mom died I got to drive these roads once a year. Now, who knows when I’ll be back on this road, barefoot, with my windows down and music up.

But I’m glad this memory is preserved. When my daughter asks what my hometown was like, I don’t have to dig through a box or try to revive a blurry memory… I’ll have these pictures to say ‘this is what small town country living looks like, isn’t it beautiful!’