This is a building that has been standing in Timpson, TX since before I was born.

For 30 days, my life consisted of traveling back and forth between my childhood and my adulthood. I am moved every time I think about Timpson. I grew up knowing everyone. My mom and I may have had a self inflicted complicated relationship, but during my frequent visits home, this picture will always remind me of my roots.

I am fortunate to have learned these things…

1. Our foundation is what we make of it.

I find myself angry without reason too often. When I stopped to take this photo, realized that my foundation is good. Like this building, I could focus on what it was or what it could have been with the right people… or I could choose to be forever grateful that the foundation is firm, and rooted with love.

2. We may leave home, but it never leaves us.

When my mind falls back to being ’17 in my hometown’, I will always remember saying hello to Mr. Duke in the produce aisle of B&B or asking him to donate to the concession stand for the upcoming football game. I remember filling my first car up with gas at $.89 a gallon hoping my latest crush would drive by as we only had 2 main roads and the gas station was on 1.

I will always remember calling Ms. Melanie to order a floral creation to be delivered to the high school… cheering at Friday night football games, roaming the halls of my high school, getting away with EVERYTHING and having fun while doing it… walking on water at the lake, having a tattoo party where all the teens came to get their tattoo from Bones in my living room.

The list of remarkable memories goes on and on.

My life has NEVER been boring… and beyond 15 years of age… I do not recall ever being lonely… even when I am physically alone.

3. Nothing beats small town community.

One reason I love the bigger city I live in is because it still has that small town country feel.

When my mom got sick for the last time, my hometown family pulled as much weight as I did through this process. Her dear friends were at her side when I needed to leave, her ‘other daughters’ would rush to her bedside in an emergency… and there were many… and it was this band of women that I consulted with concerning my mom’s last days in the county she loves so much.

The time had come to make a hard call. My mom could pass a swallow test, and move her legs now, but still kept battling new obstacles at every good report. Pneumonia, infection, aspiration… the list went on. The new plan of action was to get her into a neuro-rehab, but first she would need a skilled nursing home to rest and be monitored.

The question was, does she stay in East Texas, or do we transport her to North Texas. All of her East Texas friends and family we invited to cast their opinion. Much to my surprise, they all supported her moving to North Texas with me into a skilled nursing home.

I was relieved, and then grief hit me very unexpectedly. When the decision was made, I realized the army of people that I would be removing from her. The decision all of a sudden felt selfish. Then I was bombarded with the fact my independent mother no longer got the final say… I was in charge of the decision.

When we got the order sent, it went very quickly and I knew my week that I had planned to stay in East Texas suddenly turned into 6 hours.

I called all of her loved ones in to see her as I called my friends to help me at my mom’s apartment.

Grief hit again as I realized we shifted gears from ‘packing to move to an assisted living facility in east Texas’ to… ‘packing for her to leave East Texas forever’. The reality gave mu heart whiplash.

Together we cleaned, we packed, and made a plan that I would return after October the 7th to finish up. My sweet friends agreed to meet me there again.

My mom was already 4 hours ahead of me when I got on the road, exhausted, to return to my adult home. The drive was spent with my own thoughts and emotions on a collision course through scenarios.

For a moment… I was afraid.

#Grief #Loss #Love #thismoment #inamoment #everythingchanges #Oneyear #dontmissit #heal #parenting #parentministry